Posted by: markfender | May 14, 2014

A Five-Year Old Boy Reviews Sex Toys

Sybian Package

sybianbkbThis is a pretty cool earthquake machine. I like the dials that let you change how rough the earthquake. It’s fun to build a town with my LEGOs and see how long it takes to break apart.

Pros: Lots of different earthquake options.

Cons: Should have been flat. Lots of weird things that poke up.


Fleshlight Classic Pink Lady

fleshlightThis is a good fireworks holder. You can fit a lot of bottle rockets in it. It also makes an okay weapon when playing GI Joe with Trevor from down the street.

Pros: Screw-on cap hides fireworks from Mom.

Cons: Stupid pink top gets burned when the fireworks ignite. Also, it’s pink.



Shag’in Sally Masturbator


This toy is funny because it’s a butt.

Pros: It’s a butt.

Cons: None.



(No actual five-year old boys were involved in this.)


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