Posted by: markfender | October 8, 2014

The Luc Besson Idea Factory


luc_bessonThe production offices of Luc Besson. Int. – Day

LUC BESSON enters.

LUC BESSON: Good morning, everyone.

EVERYONE: (murmuring) Good morning.

LUC BESSON: I have a dentist’s appointment later today so we’ll need to work extra hard this morning to get through everything. But, it did give me an idea for my next movie: a dentist and former Marine gets involved in a crime syndicate when he extracts the teeth of a former CIA operative. George?


LUC BESSON: Take that and run with it. Give me the story credit as usual. I’ll expect something in theaters in a month.

GEORGE: Got it (George exits).

LUC BESSON: How’s the sonar project going?

ANGELIQUE: We’ve hit some problems.


ANGELIQUE: It turns out it’s far too expensive to rent and film with submarines.

LUC BESSON: Okay, no problem. We’ll just reimagine the script and cut out the submarine scenes.

ANGELIQUE: But, it’s about a Navy submarine…

LUC BESSON: No more! Now, it’s about a FORMER Royal Navy commander who’s developed an advanced sonar prototype. He is chased by (points to random map location) Chilean gangsters. Make that!


LUC BESSON: Am I the only one capable of solving these problems, people? You’re bright, creative people. I hired you for a reason. For instance, what if a former Foreign Legionnaire ends up on the wrong side of the law in Britain and must be saved by a no-nonsense lawyer.

FRANQ: That doesn’t sound like there’s any action…

LUC BESSON: Hah! You weren’t prepared for the twist! The no-nonsense lawyer has just stolen an important legal document that will clear the PM of a vast terrorist conspiracy! It’s up to the Foreign Legionnaire to save her and expose the truth! We’ll get…who’s that girl on Downton Abbey?

FRANQ: Michelle Dockery?

LUC BESSON: Yeah, her! Someone call her people. I want this to happen sooner rather than later. And how’s my new science fiction project coming?

TONY: Well, you still haven’t picked a theme?


TONY: Yeah. Does it take place on Earth? A spaceship? Weird exoplanets?

LUC BESSON: Yes! That’s it! A robot developing human feelings, a former Space Force astronaut, and a Maori pilot are all stuck on a spaceship sent careening towards a newly discovered exoplanet!

TONY: Okay…

LUC BESSON: They’ve got 48 days to reach the exoplanet or their ship will explode!

TONY: What?

LUC BESSON: And they are being chased by aliens. Blue aliens. I want the lead alien to be played by Ken Watanabe.

TONY: Okay…

LUC BESSON: Alright, people! I’ll be back after my dentist appointment. And then I can tell you about my idea for a former KGB operative who must balance raising children with hunting down the Nazi scientist who gave her superpowers…


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